Have you ever said... "Someday..." or "As soon as..." or "When I'm ready..." or "Next Monday..." or "After the holidays..." or "When the time is right..." or "I'm too tired..." or "It's out of my comfort zone..." or "<Your phrase here.>"

Let's talk about this. Let's figure this out together. Please join the judgment-free convHERsation. We will also hear from different women as they share their personal stories on this topic. All women that speak are regular, everyday, extraordinary women.

Have you ever talked yourself out of something? Have you ever told yourself that you're not good enough or qualified enough or smart enough? This whole self-sabotage thing we do, we ALL do it. Big stuff or small stuff. So why do we do this? What's up with that? It's simple yet complicated.

Do you ever get a sense of feeling out of control? It’s like you just can’t get a handle on things. One thing happens and then it just spirals. Work life is chaotic. Laundry is all over the place. Social activities pop up and you want to go but at the same time you don't because hanging at home and watching Netflix is also appealing. Dishes are hanging out and are either dirty or not put away. The stack of mail is getting higher and needs to get sorted. The to-do list just keeps getting longer. And let's also add our long-term goals which are not getting accomplished: Dream job. Traveling. Writing that novel you've been talking about. Add a bunch of other things that will aid to the feeling of being out of control. Life feels like its spinning and nothing is getting done. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN FEELING THIS WAY.

Let's talk about this. Let's figure this out together. Please join the judgment-free convHERsation. We will also hear from different women as they share their personal stories on this topic. All women that speak are regular, everyday, extraordinary women.

Two years ago the incredible Mysi Anne Grubbe of SODA FOUNTAIN PHOTOGRAPHY came up with this INCREDIBLE idea to do an all women empowering nude and semi-nude photo shoot. Mysi photographed while I organized 80-ish women into small groups throughout the day.

IT WAS AMAZING!
#collabHERation

Well, we're doing it again! Please join the awesomeness!

Have you ever asked yourself...

• AM I ENOUGH?

• AM I TOO MUCH?

You are not alone in asking yourself these questions. Many women do. And that's ok. First, it's about recognizing that we do this. And about understanding WHY we do it. Learning HOW to work WITH it instead of thinking this thought process is going to magically go away.

• "Well... I had a long day."

• "I'm really tired."

• "This weather (or traffic or public transit) was shit today."

• "I'll deal with it tomorrow or Monday or after summer or in the new year."

• "I don't have time right now."

• "I'll deal with it later."

• "I guess this is just the way it is."

• "I don't wanna..."

• "It's too hard."

• "I don't know how."

• "It's too much money."

• "It's out of my comfort zone."

___

Those are just some of the justifications and rationalizations that we make to not do something or to put something off. We all do it. And then things get put off or don't get done at all. We get caught up with the minutiae of life, the small things. We get stuck in the weeds. It then becomes a month or a year or years later and we still haven't done what we originally set out to do.

Let's do this. Let's talk about sex and our sexuality and the relationships that form. Including the relationship we have with ourselves. That's the most important one - the one we have with ourselves. And there's no wrong way. It's about finding what works for us. What WE as individuals feel comfortable with. We'll also talk about HOW to talk about this. HOW to have these conversations. Including the convos we have with ourselves.

"I'm not good enough...or smart enough...or pretty enough...or talented enough...or whatever enough."

Have you ever said this about yourself? Maybe the verbiage was different. Either way, have you ever had insecurities or doubts or questioned yourself, your being, your brain, your feelings, your thoughts? YEP. ME TOO. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Insecurities are part of life and that's ok. We certainly can't be without insecurities. Let's talk about how to work WITH our insecurities instead of thinking they will magically go away.

”Should I? Hmmm, maybe not. Well, ok I should. But what about...? Nah, it'll be fine. On the other hand, maybe not."

Have you ever had that conversation with yourself? I like to call it the ping-pong match in our head. Or maybe it's like a hamster in a wheel that keeps going round and round. Have you ever done so much overthinking that it mentally exhausts you and then you have no desire to physically do the thing you were debating about doing because you talked yourself out of it? Yeah, I've been there. WE all have been there. For many of us overthinking is the norm. We spend so much time thinking that when it comes to taking ACTION, we have nothing left in us. 

When discussing polyamory and/or consensual non-monogamy, people tend to ask about jealousy, fear, guilt, worry, etc. While all those are valid concerns, let's talk about the other side: The awesomeness of being in a polyamorous relationship. We'll discuss the benefits, joy, trust, happiness, love, kindness, and euphoric feelings one can have with multiple partners. 

Some days we have confidence, some days we don't. Same thing goes with courage. It's not like we find courage and confidence and we're good to go. We will lose it from time to time...and that's ok. Life ebbs and flows. I'm sure you know all about having those ups and downs. Sometimes we have an illusion that once we find C&C, that we will always have it. FUCK NO!!! That's not how life works.

That dreaded fear. It holds us back from trying new things. It stops us from doing things. It's debilitating. FEAR - of failure. What if I fail and it doesn't work out? FEAR - of success. What if I succeed and I don't know what to do? FEAR - of the unknown. For me, that's the scariest of them all. The unknown? What? Who wants to deal with not feeling secure in our choices? That sucks. 

MOTIVATION. It comes. It goes. That's how it works. The thing is with motivation is that we think if we lose it that we just have to wait until it comes back. Like we don't have any control over it. WE DO! WE can actually make effort and find our own motivation. It's true. WE are the ones in charge. If WE allow it.

"Action isn't just the effect of motivation; it's also the cause of it." - Mark Manson (author of "THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*CK: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life")

Please join us as we explore emotions in polyamorous relationships. Understanding communication, intimacy, and lessons learned through these emotions and more. We will discuss how all of these emotions are normal and that it's ok to have all these feelings in a polyamorous relationship. Sometimes separately or at the same time. We will also explore how relationships evolve and transform over time and how to work and grow with the changing emotions. Bring an open mind, an open heart, and questions to ask. Unite not untie.

****ABOUT WOMEN monthly events have been going strong in Chicago for almost 5 years. In July 2018, I partnered with WeWork and MeetUp in New York City and brought these events to the east coast. They were a hit! WeWork/MeetUp and the women that attended asked me to come back and I went back in October 2018 and now again in January 2019. What up! Please join us.****

That feeling of stillness and not sure what to do and just feeling stuck. And sometimes it’s not just stuck but it’s STUCK. CAPITAL LETTERS STUCK. Yeah. Let’s talk about this. Let’s have this convHERsation. Whether it’s with our mental state or physical state (Hint: It’s probably both), our job, our career, our family, our friends, our activity, our life path, or all of the above - we get this feeling from time to time. Let’s also talk about finding motivation. MOTIVATION. It comes and goes. But we always have the ability to find it again.

What conversation are you currently having with yourself? With your goals? With your life?

Do you keep saying you’re going to do something and then you don’t?

Do you mentally exhaust yourself from overthinking that you end up watching old episodes of The Office on Netflix? OK, maybe it’s not The Office but it’s a show you’ve seen a ton and you recognize that nothing is going to happen by doing the same thing over and over. It doesn’t get you different results. Wouldn’t it be nice if it did? Well, sure, but let’s be realistic.

That feeling of stillness and not sure what to do and just feeling stuck. And sometimes it’s not just stuck but it’s STUCK. CAPITAL LETTERS STUCK. Yeah. Let’s talk about this. Let’s have this convHERsation. Whether it’s with our mental state or physical state (Hint: It’s probably both), our job, our career, our family, our friends, our activity, our life path, or all of the above - we get this feeling from time to time.

Are you putting things off? Saying that you'll do it "someday" or "as soon as..."? Especially this time of year, it's quite common. It's the end of year. It's cold and it gets dark early. The holidays are upon us and "we just don't have the time." This is what I hear a lot. Not having the time is a common phrase I hear ALL THE TIME. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. EVERYONE! It's not that we don't have the time. We are choosing to not make the time. Big difference. The original statement makes it seem like it's out of our control. The second statement is about ownership and how WE are the ones that create our time. Sometimes it's about starting with 5 minutes. Five minutes is better than no minutes. 

Is there something you are doing that is sabotaging you? Unhealthy habit? Negative self-talk? When we self-sabotage, it's like we don't believe that we deserve awesomeness. Or maybe that we deserve the negativity. Or sometimes it's the Impostor Syndrome where we think, "Who am I? There is someone that is better or smarter or more qualified, etc. so why even try." We close that door before we even attempt to see what's behind it.  We think about 25 steps ahead instead of dealing with right now. We can't think about Step 25 if we haven't dealt with Step 1. 

We all have disagreements with others. It’s part of life. We can’t all like the same thing or be into the same thing. There is a part of us that think that our way is the only way. Or if someone doesn’t agree with us then clearly it’s their problem. We also spend more time trying to convince someone and what we end up doing is pushing them farther away. We don’t stop to listen to what they have to say. We are so busy justifying or rationalizing our point of view that we don’t recognize that the other person is valid in how they feel. And it’s also ok to have two different points of views. Crazy concept, I know. ;)

Have you ever been curious about being with more than one partner - consensually? Swinging? Poly? Monogamish? Open? As a couple? Together? Apart? Please join us as we explore what it takes to be in a consensual non-monogamy relationship. Understanding communication, intimacy, basic mutual understandings/ground rules, lessons learned, and jealousy. We will also explore how relationships evolve and transform over time and how to work and grow with the changes. We will also answer any questions you have. Unite not untie. 

Have you ever said this?

• "I feel out of control."

• "Why am I doing this?"

• "What is going on?"

• "It's like I can't stop."

• "Why do I sabotage myself like this?"

• "I gotta get my shit together."

We have all had this feeling of being out of control. We feel like we can't stop. Or maybe that we don't know how to start. It's frustrating. It's annoying. You are not alone. 

That dreaded fear. It holds us back from trying new things. It stops us from doing things. It's debilitating. FEAR - of failure. What if I fail and it doesn't work out? FEAR - of success. What if I succeed and I don't know what to do? FEAR - of the unknown. For me, that's the scariest of them all. The unknown? What? Who wants to deal with not feeling secure in our choices? That sucks. 

How comfortable are you with asking for what you are worth? Do you know what you are worth? Do you ask for raises at your job? Do you know how to ask for a raise? Or are you a freelancer and do you know what to charge? How do you feel about speaking up and owning it when it comes to money? 

"Well... I had a long day."

• "I'm really tired."

• "This weather (or traffic or public transit) was shit today."

• "I'll deal with it tomorrow or Monday or after summer or in the new year."

• "I don't have time right now."

• "I'll deal with it later."

• "I guess this is just the way it is."

• "I don't wanna..."

• "It's too hard."

• "I don't know how."

• "It's too much money."

• "It's out of my comfort zone."

That dreaded fear. It holds us back from trying new things. It stops us from doing things. It's debilitating. FEAR - of failure. What if I fail and it doesn't work out? FEAR - of success. What if I succeed and I don't know what to do? FEAR - of the unknown. For me, that's the scariest of them all. The unknown? What? Who wants to deal with not feeling secure in our choices? That sucks. 

CONFIDENCE: When we have it, we feel on top of the world. Like nothing can stop us. Then it has the ability to disappear in a heartbeat. We can't be confident all the time. That's not how these things work. Some days we have it. And some days we don't.

DOUBTS: Yeah, they suck. But here's the deal, we ALL have them. We ALL have that moment of questioning ourselves and what we are doing. Relationships. Jobs. Love. Life. I don't know, EVERYTHING!

AGING. Yep, we all do it. Yet sometimes we don't want to do it nor do we want to admit our age. Whatever age we are, we ask the question - When did this happen?! or How did this happen?!  And we all age differently. While we all do it, many of us "fight" the aging process. At least that's what society wants women to do. How many products are out on the market that are anti-aging? Why are we "fighting" the aging process?! It's like keeping a tree from growing. What's up with that? And that word "fight," it invokes this feeling that we have to be mad at aging. Then from mad, we get angry. Then after we are angry, we start the fight. All I can picture is waving my fists crazily in the air.... at nothing. Because aging just is. It's a thing that happens. That we do. And hey, I get it. I buy the creams and potions and lotions too. I'm part of this society.

Should I do it? Should I not? Well... maybe. I don't know. I want to. But what if it doesn't work out? What if I don't like it? What if it was a waste of time? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I fail? What if. What if. What if. 

Does any of that sound familiar? Have you ever talked yourself into and out of something in a matter of minutes, maybe even seconds? I call that cycle of thoughts - the hamster wheel. It's just spinning and spinning and it's not going anywhere. We all do it. I do it too. I can talk myself in and out of something so fast. I can honestly see both sides of doing and not doing something. I can justify it all. That's what happens when we live inside our heads. Imagine what could happen if we just made a decision and went with it. How much time would we save? Actual time. And mental exhaustion from hanging out in that hamster wheel.